It all started with not one but two people asking me where the blog had gone. Two people independently within the space of 12 hours. Was this deja vu? Had the program just been reset? “Do you believe in fate Neo?”
Apart from just a lack of time on my part, material for the blog had started to slow down too. After a while there are fewer and fewer things I can write about without incurring the wrath of my sensors. So rather than risk alienating my entire clientèle, not to mention employers I have let things drift for a while.
Things had settled down on the teaching front, things were getting very familiar, comfy.
Thursday’s class started normally enough. I got there 15 minutes earlier to make my usual desperate attempt to reduce the studio temperature from “Roast” to “plate warm”. Yogis dripping with sweat and carrying trays of freshly baked goods to their cars, is my first clue that the previous class is finished. This class before mine is “Power Yoga”. Never been to a power yoga class, so I am only guessing the name comes from the amount of electricity needed to heat the room and then cool it for the next class. PG+E Yoga does not have quite the same marketing appeal.
With my two industrial fans in place blasting air into the room, I step inside to set about the body fluids left behind. Sporting a towel on each foot I skate around the room soaking up the pools of, presumably, sweat from the floor. In the 150 degree temperature I work up quite a sweat myself but its better than stepping in something unexpected part way through the session. The girl from the front desk dons a pair of towels and joins me in the clean up.
As my class begins to arrive we are still doing our best “Torvill and Dean”. We are dripping with sweat, and performing a little two step skate routine around the studio on our towels. “Come on in” I beckon without loosing stride. Yes everything is normal.
I continue my preparation as the yogis continue drift in. The class is pretty full. I busy myself saying hi and shaking hands with everyone. There are two minutes to go when I glance at the door. That’s when I see him. Morpheus is standing on the door way. A giant of a man he fills the entire doorway, side to side and top to bottom. Black jeans, long black coat and a black beanie. He appears to have stolen Smith’s sunglasses though. He is certainly dressed to keep warm. Is he just late for power yoga?
Something tells me he has not taken one of my classes before. Is it the lack of yoga mat, clothes or willingness to remove his boots? No, it’s the large hot dog, with all the trimmings, in his left hand, whose contents spill all over the floor of the studio as he takes large bites.
He stands there silently staring at the class an half smile on his face. Looking at up at his belly button I inquire “Are you joining us?” He looks down his nose at me in that superior Morpheus way. “No I’ll just watch”. “Sorry we don’t allow spectators.” Is my reply. I step closer, as if to try to go through the door. He doesn’t move. “Cause I’m African America” He replies. Nice try but I am not biting. “Yes and I am English, and I am not allowed to watch either.” I reply. “Can you step back you are dropping your dinner on my studio floor?”
Oh boy this could get ugly. Where is Trinity when you need her?
I encourage Morpheus to step away from the doorway and sweep the rest of his dinner out of the studio with my foot, towel still attached. Closing the door behind him I step back into the room to start class and my foot squelches in what I can only assume is spilt hot dog. Assuming that he will give up and leave I proceed with class as normal, except for the meat between my toes. Glancing over I see the large silhouette of Morpheus re-appear at the glass door. If you are tall enough, which he is, you can see through the frosted glass. The cold blank stare through reflective sun glasses pervades our yogic community. Not an “OM” moment that’s for sure.
Trinity, aka Jayne Torvil, is in the lobby now, alone with the giant. There are two doors into the studio. I step through the other and come at Morpheus’s from the side. He is not going anywhere. Two more large shapes appear at the entrance to the store. I look over at Trinity, she has a phone to her ear as she looks up and makes eye contact with me.
“Tank I need an exit fast!”